Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
