you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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