farters have to be the big spoon...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
