Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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