I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
