is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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