This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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