Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
