He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
