well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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