is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
