I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
