please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i need some magic done to my vagina
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
