I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
