gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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