youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
