I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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