You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
