I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
