New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
