he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
