i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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