I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
