apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
