about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
