I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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