i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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