Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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