I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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