Non-Jews are for practice
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
