even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
