I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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