...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
