I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
