Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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