just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
