Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You're a waste of cheezeits
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
