I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
