all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
