spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
