I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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