White coat. Heels.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
you never un-have a 4some
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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