i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
