She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
