I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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