so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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