I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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