I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
