last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
