I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
