The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
