i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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