The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
