go do what you do best...puke behind churches
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
