chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We don't watch enough power rangers
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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