I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
